Monday, November 17, 2008

Matatus

I've decided to follow my sister's lead and begin a tutorial of how to survive in Kenya.
What is a Matatu?

A matatu is East Africa's response to a lack of public transportation and incredible traffic. The small ones start at 14 passengers (although a little squeezing can go a long way in adding a few passengers), and can go up to bus size. They travel on routes throughout Nairobi and beyond.

How Reliable is a Matatu?

Great question. That really relies on what traffic is like. Usually you stand on the side of the road and have found your matatu of choice to hop on. In the peak of rush hour it may take a few matatus to find one that has an empty seat, bust most likely you won't wait more than 5 minutes. However, once on, you don't necessarily know how long you will stay on. If you happen to hit an unexpected traffic jam (which should actually be expected), you will most likely be kicked off the matatu as they have decided to no longer run. Sometimes you'll get your money back, but usually you won't, and then the door will be slammed in your face.

How Do I Know Which Route to Take

The general consensus on how to figure out which route to take is "you just know". Although there are very set routes the matatus take, there is nothing in writing anywhere to tell you, leaving the white people cluesless. Instead you ask "Wapi matatu mpaka insert name here" (Where is the matatu to....). People most point in an indeterminable direction, you walk fifteen steps, and repeat the process. However, there is a catch to this. For instance, there is Rt 46 which goes to my house, and also to Mathare (a slum on the opposite side of Nairobi). If you ask matatus near my house if they go to Mathare they look at you like you are an idiot, and promptly drive away. Why? Because Route 46 does not actually go the whole way. Instead you must get off at the railway station, take a ten minute walk, and then hop another 46 to Mathare. Why is there this mystery gap in matatu service? Another great unknown.

Where Do You Sit in a Matatu

Seating on a matatu is at a premium. To sit in the front means an absolute panic attack, and you are near death almost the entire time as the matatu lurches into the nearest automobile. Sitting on a window seat is equally as bad as you watch your matatu creep up to the matatu next to you, until you can't creep anymore, and then you DO creep more, and become positive that at any given moment the person's head next to is going to crash through your window and onto your lap. If you sit in the back row you are certain to hit your head multiple times on the roof, as for some reason the roof dips down just in time for the back row. Then if you sit in the seat next to the door, you will probably have the fare taker sit on your lap at least once as he tries to make room for extra passengers. So that leaves 2 seats for the taking. Good luck.

Decoration
Matatus can be broken into three categories: the Obama Matatu, the Jesus Matatu, or the Ghetto Party Matatu. Sometimes if you're really lucky, you can catch one that has combined all three.
The Obama
Consists of various pictures of Obama's head plastered onto the windows and sides of the vehicle. Then there are various phrases like "Yes we Can" and "The Change you Can Believe In".
The Jesus
The large window in back has a picture of Jesus, usually with a saying such as "Believe in your Shepherd" or some such thing. Usually the sides of the vehicle are covered in the Beatitudes and various other religious sayings, along with smaller images of Jesus.
Ghetto Party
These matatus are the ones that are most often vibrant oranges, pinks, and purples. Then they are covered with obscene phrases, and either pictures of half naked girls, or American rap and hip hop celebrities.
The Combination
These usually cover Jesus and Obama on the outside. Once inside however you are surrounded with ridiculous phrases, that even I proficient in English, sometimes have a hard time understanding.

Matatu Entertainment
No matter which matatu you take, you are sure to have the same in transit entertainment. It consists of obnoxiously loud, bad bad bad music, that often revolves around alcohol, drugs, and parts of the female anatomy. Some songs are only three words long, but I will refrain from posting them here as my mother reads this. If you are lucky and catch a matatu when it is getting dark, you will also experience the flashing lights and television screens to play music videos or other random tidbits that rarely actually go along with the songs being played. Once in a blue moon, this music will be foregone for a mix of Whitney Houston and bad country.

And that is how I spend at least 3 hours of my day. Next I will touch on how to drive in Nairobi, as that is a bizarre experience in itself.

1 comment:

The Pirate said...

It sounds like matatus are the African cousin of the marshrutka of the former Soviet Union. Although, I don't know what your complaining about if there is actually an expectation that one would get a seat. The vans here have seating for about 12 people, but rarely are you on a marshrutka with fewer than 20. Getting on and off is a good time. As is the ride itself--the other night I was the last person on a packed marshrutka and got packed backwards into the windshield. So the front window framed the driver's face and my butt. Lovely.