Driving Lessons

If upon visiting Nairobi, matatus do not seem like an appealing mode of transportation, there is always the option to rent a car. However, there are certain elements of driving that will suddenly appear, while most standard rules that you’ve appropriately obeyed your whole driving life will suddenly disappear.

Which Side of the Road Do I Drive On?
Technically, drivers should stay on the left side of the road at all times. However, if in heavy traffic, most likely you will dash onto the wrong side of the road, speed as far as you can go before crashing into an oncoming car, and then slyly force yourself back into the left lane by simply not allowing anybody else to take your spot. Although this will inevitably cause you to be in several car accidents a year, nobody will really mind all that much as it is daily life and their cars are already being destroyed by the unfathomable number of potholes. If driving on the wrong side of the road doesn’t appeal to you, you can always take the side walk approach. Now this poses a problem when you run into all the people walking and the street venders selling fruits and vegetables. Here you just simply drive to about an inch of them, viciously honk your horn until they figure out their unforgivable audaciousness in using the sidewalk, and then move themselves and all of their belongings out of your way.
What’s With all Those Roundabouts Anyway?
I’m sure if an analysis of worldwide roundabouts was done, Nairobi would come out as number one in the number that exist. In town (which is what westerners would consider “downtown”, but here downtown refers to the unsafe red light districts), you will be hard pressed to find yourself traveling more than a minute without coming across another roundabout. At midnight, these make great sense and are great fun to travel around with your crazy cab driver. At noon, they are treacherous awful things where traffic laws are thrown out the window, and you will likely witness at least 1 traffic accident, and you will probably sit in 15-20 minutes of traffic at each one (a tremendous amount of time when you have to sit through several roundabouts). Here it is extremely common to see the mass exodus of people from their matatus as walking 5 kms suddenly becomes exponentially faster than sitting in the car. Unfortunately this then adds to the degree of difficulty, as not only do you have to avoid hundreds of cars, you also have to attempt to avoid the hundreds of people milling around between cars in the streets.
How Do I Avoid That Unfathomable Number of Potholes?
Simply put, you don’t. Give it two weeks and your stomach will suddenly be used to the constant throws of the road, and suddenly you start to enjoy the unavoidable ab workout of riding around Nairobi.
When are the Best Times to Drive to Avoid an Immense Amount of Traffic?
If you like to drive around at night, Nairobi will be perfect for you. Between the hours of 8:30pm and 4:30 am you will be hard pressed to find traffic, and those roundabouts are great Otherwise you will be stuck in traffic no matter what, no matter where you are. If you thought your cities traffic was bad, I assure you, it is not. So be thankful next time you’re driving down the LIE; at least you have your 711 coffee.
Traffic Lights?
In theory, they exist. In practice, you go when you can. Although at times you see traffic officers trying to control the roads, they are also largely ignored. When people do follow them, it usually turns into a version of the opposite game, gravely frightening the passengers but somehow always working out.
The Rights of the Pedestrian
I haven’t quite figured these out. Usually the pedestrian just runs. There are numerous mind games played between the drivers and the walkers where the drivers often speed up immensely in order to see if they can get the pedestrian. In town there are a number of pedestrian signals, but like all other things they are ignored.

Overall, the main goal is to have great luck. Basically just drive, drive anywhere and everywhere, look intimidating, and you will probably make it from point A to point B. Then again you could just take a cab which takes all of the above to a new level.